My Life update 10-05-08

Read the blog below this one first please if you havent done so already. Thank You.

Well this thanksgiving was the one year anniversery since i last talked to my mom. This Thanksgiving wasnt the same as it has been the past years. i was really looking forward to it and it turned out to be a disappointment. Instead of going to my grandmas house (like we have since i can remember) we went to my great grandmas house. The reason for this was my great grandfather (whom is 90) cannot walk that well anymore. So we felt it easier to have it at their house for their sake. Which I guess is the main reason for it not being the same as it has been.

My grandma was acting like a child this thanksgiving. My grandfather wanted to go see his brother on thanksgiving, he did go and see my great grandfather (his father inlaw) and great grandmother for a little while, then he wanted to go see his brother. So my grandma got all pissed off because of it and stayed away from everyone this thanksgiving. She doesnt like my grandfathers brother and my grandma has trust issues with my grandfather. Regardless of what issues she has with him i feel that she should put them aside. Because it was thanksgiving and her childish behaviour wasnt needed or welcomed. So my expectations of this thanksgiving were greatly off because it has been the worst that i can remember.

Last month i got my permit and ive been driving everywhere we have gone. I must say it feels so good to be able to drive. I can only wait untill i get my drivers license. I cant imagine the excitement i will feel when i finally get them. Wednesday went to go take me ged test. This day was probably the best day ive had all year and the worst at the same time. Well in between tests we had to sit outside the room and wait for everyone to finsih taking their tests. So in between the first test i was the first to get finished. Followed by this guy, then this girl. For some reason this girl decided to sit by me. She had many other people she couldve sat by and there was even seats which werent by anyone. But she chose to sit by me! Then she started talking to me! I must say i was shocked by this since ive never had this happened before. We talked a bit then went for the second test. I was the first to get done with the second test and was ahead of schedule by an hour an a half. Lunch was after this second test also. I had planned on waiting for her to get out of the classroom and then asking her if she wanted to go eat lunch. But i went to the bathroom as soon as i got out. Apparently while i was in the bathroom she got out of the classroom and went somewhere. So i sat there for an hour waiting for her to come out of the classroom. Then the elevator rings and her she comes out of the elevator. I thought "Dam she mustve been out right behing me". I was sitting in the middle of the chairs with nobody on the right or left. There was at least 6 sits to my right and 6 to my left. She sat right beside me. Again this really shocked me and i began to think that she actually liked me. Then we talked untill we went back for the rest of the tests.

After we get done with the last three tests we dont have to take a break. Heres where the sad part comes in. I finished all the tests and then i walked out of the room and went to the bathroom. Then i stood there at least 5 minutes waiting for the dam elevator to come down. Then i walked to my ride home. Without even thinking about her. Not 2 minutes after i get into my car she comes out of the building. I thought to myself i really fucked up by not waiting outside for her to come out so we could talk and/or get some info from her. I really liked her too. And for the first time a girl actually appeared to like me and what do i do? I completely fuck it up. After that i didnt want to go to sleep because i felt so good about talking to people. I didnt even go to sleep untill 6am because i didnt want it to be over i liked it that much. Then i woke up at 5pm and i wanted to do nothing but sleep. Because i was depressed its over, ill never seen her again and i have no way to contact her. Now all i want to do is cry but i cant. I rarely cry and i just had a really good cry last month.

Now i just want to sleep all day and night untill i can see or talk to people my age. Im sick of talking only to my family and having no friends. This wednesday made me realize how much fun and exciting it was to talk to someone my age and actually have friends. Then i come home and here i am without contact to anyone but my family and i hate it. I absoultely hate it.


10-05-08

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