Well i dont know where to begin. I briefly read over the past entries in hopes to know where to start, but alas i did not. So ill start with my computer, as noted in the second update i had successfully changed my fan. Well since then Ive bought me a new computer. No more piece of shit computer for me! i spent $1500 on this bad boy and it was worth every penny. However I'm currently having issues with my cd drive. You know seems like every computer i touch needs to be fixed eventually. Anyways the drivers for the cd drive are corrupted, simple fix right? Wrong! Dell has the drivers on its website , or so it claims. However when i download then i get an exe file that puts up with a gui that is only to update the firmware, which could possible fix the problem but the dam program doesnt recognise my cd drive! So then normally id look elsewhere to find the drivers. Well i cant find them anywhere online, so my best bet is to either A. Buy a new cd/dvd burner for my laptop or B. But an external cd drive. Or C. Just say fuck it and leave it alone. I'm still debating on what to do.
As i recall previously i mentioned about liking a girl but couldn't get the courage to confront her. Well its been a year since then (or more) shes gotten way hotter than she was before. But since then Ive realised how immature she is, though she is only 17 now. Anyways I'm not even trying for her anymore, i cant date someone who is immature or childish.
Lets see what now.... My mom is still doing the same shit she has been for 5 years now. Worthless trash is what she is, anyways a few months ago my grandpa had a stroke. He is no longer able to work. This is good and bad. He was working 70+ hours a week and has been for over 20 years. So he finally gets a break. However disability is only paying $1000 a month. My grandmas bills total more than $1600, with no way to pay the difference. She is having to drop luxury things that she deserves just to make it every month. My mom has a full time job making more than $8 an hour. She doesn't pay a dam dime, even knowing they cant make their bills. My grandma refuses to kick her out of call child services on her, ive been telling her to do either one for over 4 years. She never listens, she cant accept that her daughter doesn't give a shit about her.
Onto more positive news, which will lead to bad news, which will lead to more good news. After i got my ged my uncle got me a job at a local grocery store. When i first started it was great, i loved the job (started in January), However over the past several months it has descended from the great job it was to the hell hole it is now. I use to wake up early just so i could get there early, now i dont even want to get out of bed in the mornings. Why? Well thats alot to list, i wont list them.
About three months ago or there abouts, a new girl started working on the registers. I dont know why but i had the hardest time looking at her, it gave me butterflies i guess you could say. I wanted to talk to her but i was never able to. Fast forward a few weeks, she started on the stock crew. Which is where i work, i still remember her first day. She flirted with me alot at that time, i was still too shy to say much to her. As i said she flirted with me alot, until another bitch who i wont name told her my age. Then that stopped to the extent she was flirting.
eventually over time i was able to talk to her comfortably, in doing so i learned alot about her. As she did me. She has the most beautiful brown eyes ive ever seen. When i look into her eyes i see deep into her, and theres just something about her. I cant really explain it. Over time we got really comfortable with each other, we talked everyday at work. I wanted so bad to ask for her number or ask her out. But i didnt know how to do so at the time, not that i really can do it now. Well after she worked there for a couple weeks some shit happened where i thought i was about to quit my job. i didnt want to stop talking to her at all. I had been eyeing her myspace page for awhile. Wanting to add her as friend but was too nervous to do so. Well when i thought i wasnt going back to my job i finally added her. she gave me her number and we texted all day that day. It was great to be honest.
Since then we were texting everyday from the time we awoke till we went to sleep. We continued this for a long time, now im going to skip towards the more present events regarding her. Ive presented her with several opportunities to go out with me. I told this girl i loved her and got nothing in return, but i was still persistant with the hopes she would one day be mine.
Well things have become fragile here recently between me and her. Ive gotten to the point where i just dont care anymore, i love her to death but i keep putting myself out there for her. Only to be shat on time and time again, then im the one apologizing for shit she did just so she wont be mad at me. Ive done it so many times that its making me sick.
She hasnt text me in several days now, and i havent her either. Im finally giving up, i love her but i cant deal with it anymore. Its not all bad though,, in the midst of all of this i met a great girl on myspace who ive been textin. Shes helped me out with everything. She cares about me more than the girl i love ever did. She shows interest in me, but me and her arent meant to be together that way.
Ive pretty much lost the love of my life, but in return i got two great friends who care about me and want to help me. Im so thankful for them.
Im thinking about going to college next semester for computer engineering, im still on the fence about it though. I want to get a job i love, marry a girl who loves me for who i am and nothing else. I want a nice house with two kids, enough money saved up for us to retire and my kids to go to college. I want my kids to be 100x smarter than i am, thats all i want out of life. I know i need to get a good job< class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_70">thats gonna happen is if i go to college. I really dont want to go, i only want to go to better my future self.
I wish i was smarter than i am, i want to be able to do amazing things and impress people. Sure maybe some will say im smart and can do things they never could. But its not good enough for me, i know what im capable of.
Well i really dont know what else to put, that pretty much sums everything up. I will continue updating these in the future as my life progresses, not for a bunch of strangers to read. but rather myself to look back at how i was thinking back then. Which in turn will help me make better descions about my life.
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